Under Heavy Fire by J.D. Brayton

World War Pasta

reporting from The Nation’s Capital.

New From The Discovery Channel: Politicizing Pasta- an expose’ in absurdity.
Chef Ramsey guest stars wearing only an apron as he curses and rants his way through six servings of Gay Rotini and Straight Spaghetti.

A special session of the U.N. General Assembly is called to discuss sanctions against Rigatoni and Angel Hair.

The U.S.S. Enterprise Aircraft Carrier is reported to be in position off Palermo, all off-duty sailors are issued condoms and pasta tongs.

The Saudis demand the seizing and destroying of all secret recipes of “Tomato Sauce.”

Italy shrugs, and naps as important decisions are being made at The Hague.

Bruce Springsteen rushes into a mobile studio with his manually battered folk guitar to record a new Harry Smith inspired Folk anthem titled:

‘This Whole Goddamned World Is Tilted Backwards”

and releases it in blue-ray, which sell out in 12-hours, but because it is pirated by Google, causes Little Steven to go into personal bankruptcy and sell his collection of silk bandannas. Wall Street scrambles to recover.

Springsteen is hospitalized as a result of inhaling a miniature harmonica.

The Pope issues a statement from the Rome Motel 6 stating the following:

“You people are crazy- Pasta is not a sex-toy, and all of you, including the C.E.O. of Barilla need therapy.”

Bono weeps openly on Italian T.V.

More to come.